three ring meme

I’m giving you advance warning.  This is not going to make any sense at all unless you bring up the Meme Queen’s blog and look at the pictures that correspond with these captions.  I’m being lazy.  Sue me.

1) Let’s see those anorexic super-model bitches do this!!!

2) GOP holds fundraiser in downtown parking garage.

3) Something in a toasted marshmallow?

4)  (i don’t know what the hell this is…)

5)  Dude, we need more bennies!

6) “WTF?????”

7) And now the S&M Leopard Glee Club will sing, “I Left Your Heart Over There In The Corner Because I Was Full.”

eight) Next time they can change their own friggin’ lightbulb…

9) “Ground control to Major Tom…”

10) This year’s first prize in the Most Annoying New Yorker magazine cover goes to the Greater Ogden Sewage Drainers Club for their tableau entitled “Transvestites In Motion”

MM – i’m alright

blues…as only Louden can do…there is some bonus material at the beginnning and end…

woo

hoo

please take a minute

…and read this post on Dr. Robyn’s blog.  If you feel so inspired, please join in.  I have. Thanx.

my 1.5 cents…

Three words concerning the Super Bowl…

I don’t care.

i ain’t lyin’

Let’s start with this premise:

Internet = Propaganda. 

I remember those heady days subsequent to Al Gore’s invention,  springtime on the super-duper highway, netizens jousting for maximum bandwidth, mp3s flying at the speed of dial-up and copious scans of every back issue of Playboy and Penthouse previously salted away in a young geeks closet.

Not unlike FM radio (and what is the state of  THAT you may well ask), the entrepreneurial spirit grabbed hold with the cry, “There’s gold in them there megabytes!” and suddenly Mr. Gore’s information highway became corporate america’s marketing highway.  Such is the nature of things.

90% of what you hear on the radio, watch on TV and, now, read on the internet intends to SELL YOU SOMETHING.  So if we add the following to our original premise:

Advertising = Propaganda
Internet = Advertising
Internet = Propaganda

We are witnessing a phenomena akin to the advent of television, a mass brainwashing of belief that everything on the net is true.  Worse, every social commentary you receive by your well-meaning friends is factual…please feel free to forward to your entire address list to further these deviations.  Politicos love this shit. Put something on the ‘net by “mistake”?  Oh, I’m sorry…yeah, NOW try to pull it back.  It’s email fodder for generations to come.

One word of advice: DO NOT under any circumstances point out these inaccuracies to your friends that send them to you unless you thrive on repeated tongue-lashings for being a ’spoil-sport’ and ‘always having to be right’.

It’s all Nixon’s fault…

MM – this is the story she told…

Time for a story song from the folk world.  I can hear you say “What???  What’s he going to throw at us?  Pete Seeger?  Woodie Guthrie?  Burl Ives???”

Relax. This is David Wilcox and this is the story of Johnny’s Camaro.  It’s a tad long so sit back and enjoy….

buried..um..treasure

I come from a family of photographers.  No one famous or published but camera buffs none-the-less.  This is one trait that was passed on to me through several channels of genetic short-circuitry, along with several other quirky dimensions that we don’t need to go into here.

I also hail from a family of pack-rats, a subject about which I have carried on to aggravating distraction in earlier rants.  So if we marry those two thoughts, it should come as no surprise that I have become the keeper of the family photographic heirlooms from the now departed Cooper side of the family.  That sounds nice and sweet but you have to realize this means going through no less than thirty or forty steel boxes of 35mm slides, each containing anywhere from five to seven HUNDRED slides.  You do the math.

Oh, and for those familiar solely with the digital age, people used cameras in the past to capture photographs on “negatives”, which is just what its name implies, a negative image of a picture, like so…

or a slide, which is a positive image of a picture that was held in a little cardboard square and needed either a slide projector to see any detail or one hell of a magnifying glass..and faith you wouldn’t go blind.

I know, I know…get to the point.

The point dear reader is that this combing through boxes of the past unearths images that some might say were better left boxed and stored.  At the risk of qualifying for inclusion on the Awkward Family Photo site, here are a couple chuckles of yours truly….god help me.

Ahh, now here we have the youngster circa 1963 on the Long Island shores of Peconic Bay.  No, I’m not cold, I’m petrified.  See that multi-colored novelty around my…well, that I’m wearing?  It’s to keep me from drowning.  If you know anything about the Peconic Bay, you know that you can walk out into the bay until your legs fall off before the water gets over your head.  I was taking no chances.  The whole fear of water thing is a story for another day…

Now, because if this aversion to all things aquatic at this age, I kept myself occupied by avoiding sun-stroke, which naturally occurs in redheads after..oh…fifteen minutes of sun exposure (this is long before SPF mind you) and doing things that all kids my age did when spending a pleasant day at the beach…like roaming up and down the hot sand collecting dead horseshoe crabs…

Now let’s jump forward about five months to Thanksgiving of ‘63.  Here I am threatening my sister that if she touches the turkey I’ll blow her head off.  This was back in the day when boys routinely received toy guns as presents.  The one pictured here was a favorite as it had all sorts of levels on it.  My aunt, who gave it to me, kept threatening to take it away as I walked around the house doing my Kurt Cobain impression, sticking the barrel in my mouth.

Now let’s really push forward to Christmas ‘67, the ripe old age of 11.  As one can deduce by the expression plastered on my face, I was on the precipice of careening into those wonderful teen years, where everything was thoroughly annoying, especially a camera wielding grandfather…

fright

Ever see “Village of The Damned”?  The 1960’s Brit film with the spooky-eyed blond kids that forced people to do things beyond their will???

They’re heeeeerrrrrrreeeeee…

And while we’re on other real life horrors….will all the late night talk show hosts just go away…NOBODY CARES.

a passionate meme

I’d like you to take a look at the what makes you happy and brings you joy. Pretend you are talking to a new friend. Answer the questions as enthusiastically as you can and share with your friend what lights your fire. Recommend your favorites, what you’re passionate about – and tell us why. If it’s too hard to choose just one, narrow it down to the best of the best. Everyone who reads your answers will not only get a better sense of who you are but we might be inspired to check it out upon your expert recommendation. I like learning something new everyday. If you open the door of my imagination, I just might step through. Tell me!

1. Which historical figure do you admire the most? Why?
Joe Pepitone.  He was the first true sports prima donna and paved the way for the likes of John McEnroe, Jimmy Connors, Dennis Rodman, Terrell Owens and Bob Costas.

2. Name the band or artist you’d like to see live in concert before you leave the planet or tell us about a concert or album that has already rocked your world.
I was there…Modern Drummer Festival 2003….

3. What’s your favorite television show or series of all time?
Why should I care? (cuz it’s funny, dammit)
My favorite sketch…from the best series…..

4. Movies! I am so behind on the movie scene. What should I watch this weekend? Should I watch it alone or with someone?
The Philadelphia Story (NOT Philadelphia with Tom Hanks).  absolutely with someone.

5. You are hopping on a plane tomorrow morning. Where did you choose to go and why?
Here…for obvious reasons…

6. Who is your favorite author? What about their writing inspires you or simply entertains you? Recommend at least one book that you feel I must read.
Take your pick…

7. Hobbies and passions. What brings you joy in your spare time? How did you get into it?
Under advice of legal counsel I should skip this one…

MM – why can we not…

For reasons of my own in addition to this still being one the best, if not the best, music video ever made….

Make note…you may want to saunter over to Good Mourning Glory and join in the Musical Monday fun…anniversary giftys await

(missing) signs of the times

I am not a Mall denizen. About the only time I venture there is when I am in need of new jeans, and as there are four holes in various locations in my current pair (I’m not tellin’) it was time for a trip to JC Penney’s (that’s where I buy my jeans.  Deal with it).

So I venture to the Quakerbridge Mall.  For you Stephanie Plum devotees, yes the Quakerbridge Mall does actually exist on Route One just north of Trenton but I have never seen the likes of Stephanie or Lula ineptly dashing through.  Come to think of it I’ve never seen Janet Evanovich there either…which will brilliantly tie in to the observation I’m going to make if I ever stop making these asides and get on with it already.

Curiosity got the best of me as I took a post-purchase stroll to see what stores remained intact these days.  Here’s what I found:

9 (count ‘em 9) kiosks/stores to by a cell phone
3 stores to buy video games
3 different Victoria Secrets locations
17 stores offering miscellaneous and unnecessary junk, along with the ubiquitous Spencer Gifts
WendysMcDonaldsChikfilADunkinDonutsAnniesPretzelsDavidsCookiesBaskinRobbinslocalPizzaChineseandFriday’sWannabe

and finally…NO book stores.  There used to be two:  Waldenbooks and B. Dalton’s.  Both packed it in, victim of the B&N/Border’s giants within a two-mile radius.

draw your own conclusions…

As a side note, if you are a regular reader of this lame blog you’ll note the absence of some long-standing sidebar graphics.  I’ve removed every item linked to Photobucket. Why, you ask?  because while in Photobucket Thursday evening looking for a graphic to post, my laptop, well actually the Mrs.’ laptop, was attacked by a Hijack virus, the effects of which took me two days and much maligning of certain geek coding dorks parentage to remove.  Just grist for your oatmeal…

a twenty-one and seven…

This is a royal twist on an old meme. The Queen just wish she’d found these gems when she was actually twenty-one.  This is how it works: You must follow the directions to the letter.

1. Find the nearest bookshelf of your favorite reads, cookbooks, tech books, magazines. It doesn’t matter. This will work for all print media. If you don’t have seven books lined up on a shelf, grab the first seven you see around the house.
2. Book #1: Turn to page 21. Read the 21st sentence (you may have to turn the page).
Write it down.
3. Do the same with the first seven books or articles you see. The sentences will make a paragraph. You must write them down in the order you found them.
4. When you are finished, read over your “story” and title it.
5. Show us your bibliography at the end of this meme.

Roadkill:  A Love Story

OK, Cue!  IBM confirms it must be the same man.  For me and most other writers I know, writing is not rapturous.  The average yodel means “My Dick is Freezing!”.  A little gentle force, however, worked magic: we sandwiched the salted slices between paper towels and pressed down with enough force to extrude any remaining juices (and the seeds) but not enough to squish the slices flat.  Began drinking heavier, sleeping less, chain smoking, feeling in some way he’d been taken for a sucker. Go away. 

1. The Complete Monty Python’s Flying Circus: All The Words, Volume II
2. The Negotiator – Frederick Forsyth
3. Bird by Bird – Anne Lamott
4. You Gotta Play Hurt – Dan Jenkins
5. Inside America’s Test Kitchen – 2004 edition
6. Gravity’s Rainbow – Thomas Pynchon
7. The Complete Monty Python’s Flying Circus: All The Words, Volume I

called heavy hometown…

Back in the day when MTV was about music and not spoiled overprivileged yuppie spawn whining all the time, I turned on Headbanger’s Ball and was thrust into the middle of something I swore was a Fellini film from hell.  I mean a guy playing a stand-up bass in a pig’s head???

Thus was my introduction to Primus.  This is still my favorite Primus video, aside from being my favorite Primus song, because in a medium that was the genesis of lightning fast cuts and hand-held camera shots, Primus comes along with an entire video composed of one single shot.  No edits, no cut aways, no different camera angles.  And even with this it is impossible to catch everything going on in this video in a single viewing.

For the eclectic minded…Mr. Krinkle….

amen

DPM for Dummies…

The Dating Profiles Meme: Walking in the Moonlight

1. I love walks in the moonlight without ever having to say a word.
Me too.  Plus the moon never answers any of my questions anyway…

2. I intend to go to my destiny instead of waiting on it to find me.
Try looking in the reference section…under English Grammar…

3. First off, I have 20 cats which I’m sure won’t be a problem.
I agree.  They will roast up very nicely in the fire pit out back…

4. I’ve been called the 8th Wonder of the World.
You’re King Kong??  Forget it.  Iron your own shirts…

5. A nice thunderstorm with me and you will be wishing for rain.
That’s nice.  Oh, the man from Bellevue just arrived to take you back to your room…

6. I’ve never been married, but don’t let that scare you, it just happens to some of us.
I know!  Isn’t that odd.  I mean I was just walking down the street minding my own business when this van pulled up next to me.  Out jumped three big guys with masks on who grabbed me and threw me in the van.  The next thing I knew…I wasn’t married!

7. The way I see it, life is a one-act play so am looking for someone who wants to make the best of every day.
Yeah, well, it just closed on opening night.

8. Jack, my border collie/lab, and I are often out walking or if we are lucky, playing in the mountains.
Sooooooo….you want to get lucky with your dog???  Have a milk-bone…

9. I would like to wake up in the morning to a loving warm smile and sexy eyes.
I think we can dig those up for you at the morgue…as long as you don’t want any other body parts…

10. Hi! This is fun, no?
No