Dear Mr. Obama

I received a letter from my precocious twenty year old attending a mid-western liberal arts institution of higher learning stating that after buying the usual mass of text books and other necessities that go hand in hand with a college life, that he had maxed out his Visa card.  Calling it “his” Visa card is a bit of a misnomer as the bills come directly to my mailbox and the satisfaction of those bills emanate from my cheque book.

I called the young scion to inquire how a credit card with a $3,000 limit could be exhausted by the required textbooks of a communications major.  He mentioned how unfair it was that he should be expected to live bound by the paltry sum given to him; that it was impossible to balance the expense of his commitments with his meager allowance when the source of his stipend was so obviously awash in wealth.  His suggestion was the issuance of another credit card, with an expanded limit, in order to make good the balance of funds between us.  I suggested that he take a hard look at his expenses and decide where is cash outlay was superfluous, or at the least could be scaled back.  His retort was bristly to say the least and held firm to his new-card agenda.

I suppose he’s just acting in accordance with the world around him.

Thanx for your understanding.

Love and Kisses,

coopernicus

life’s little mysteries

when did taking a healthy crap become big business?  I see one more commercial telling me yogurt, pills, drinks or cereal will “keep my digestive track balanced” and I’m going to start

"can I talk to you about your colon?" "NO!!! Now piss off."

squatting in those respective aisles in the supermarket.  jamie lee curtis started all this nonsense with her damn yogurt commercials.  Remember when eating yogurt would increase your lifespan into the hundreds? I guess new research has shown that not to be the case but it does allow women to keep their colons flowing as they should.  If I remember correctly it was an early SNL sketch with Phil Hartman that touted the advantages of eating a cereal named Colon-Blow.  Or was that Python?  No, Python was Ano-Weet in the Most Disgusting Family competition.

and while we’re on the subject of ridiculous, this is what Yahoo listed this evening as their top headlines under “World News”, not US…but World…

• Mysterious ‘Winged’ Structure from Ancient Rome Discovered
• Kate Middleton’s Mustique Vacation Is Royal Pain for Other Guests
• Pa. woman hosted ‘kegger’ before 3 teens crashed
• Seal, Heidi Klum announce separation
• Strongest solar storm since 2005 hitting Earth
• ‘The Office’ actor Rainn Wilson finally admits he looks like Newt Gingrich

These are the stories that delve into the most important issues facing the world today.

Right.

the late phil hartman

perspective

go figure

it was a pie day

a good friend of mine is leaving the group at work, moving on to better pastures.  she will be missed. she’s a pie person so i made an apple pie with caramel sauce to take into work tomorrow.  it’s the first one of these i’ve made in a while and it looks pretty decent…we’ll see once it is dissected tomorrow…six granny smiths and four breaburns.  i could have used one or two more of each but this will fill the bill.

SOPA

Today is the blackout.  As I didn’t see a way to blackout my wordpress site (i don’t have access to the HTML theme and WP.com doesn’t accept JS), I took a different route.  I actually read the SOPA bill , HR 3261.  Well, read as much as anyone can read of these pieces of legislation without wanting to jab hot skewers into one’s eyes.  This little gem has so many cross references to existing pieces of legislation that it is virtually impossible for any one normal person to decipher all the legal possibilities being put forth.  In fact this appears to be the problem with the entire bill, its vagueness.  Left open to millions of interpretations, you better make sure all your Facebook posts are cleared through your legal staff before publication.  Isn’t that a surprise?  Vague legislation from our elected “leaders”.  And here is another piece of information I know will be a total surprise, the bill’s sponsor is our buddy Lamar Smith. Of Texas.  A Republican who loves big government and lots and lots of legislation.  Go figure.

image from Forbes.com

fish oil

It has become common knowledge that the US Army used dolphins during the Iraq war to scout out mines floating in the water and now, our bottle nosed pals are being recruited once again to keep the Strait of  Hormuz clear so we can continue to rape Iran of its natural resources to bolster our grotesque oil consumption.

It got me thinking, what other members of the animal, mammal or reptilian kingdom can we recruit to perform a few unsavory tasks (besides the bomb sniffing dogs and the test monkeys, cats and rats)

Houses of Congress - populate all the chambers with jackals and hyenas.  It’s not much of a change but there might be some blood-letting to make C-SPAN more interesting.

Porn – Giraffes.  Have you seen the tongues on these long-necked bastards?

Lawyers – Baby Harp Seals – why not?  Both are protected from harm to the nth degree.

TV Talk Show Hosts - snakes – self-explanatory.

i have the best bloggie friends

not only to they tolerate my whining, they reach out with empathetic advice and a caring nod.  i love you all.

I tripped over this.  i love stephen fry as well. whether he actually wrote this is up for grabs but i’m going to believe that he did.

i don’t know what day it is

really.  i had to think about it.  it’s been that kind of week, between dog surgery and a funeral (two different events) and god knows what else, i’m a little muddled.  I’m also tired.  I haven’t had a good night’s sleep in a week – been sleeping on the couch as the mrs. has had a nasty cold and i didn’t want to disturb her sleep as i knew i would be up and down with RLS at least twice a night. (oh i’m starting to whine…and i hate whining).  But i don’t seem to be enjoying much these days.

I’m really struggling with getting old.  it really sucks, especially when i’m emotionally retarded to the point where i’m about 24 years old, trapped in a more than double the age body which is starting to resemble Jabba the Hut.  That’s another reason getting old blows.  i can’t (or am not supposed to) eat all the junk I like.  I gave up ice cream a while ago, along with chocolate and all other forms of candy.  My Doctor who wants me to live forever wants me to give up salt as well. Good luck there.  No Kettle chips?  No mac and cheese?  oh, that’s another thing.  he doesn’t want me eating dairy…especially cheese.  no cheese?  no pizza?  no grilled cheese?  what the fuck. He doesn’t understand I was born with a sweet tooth the size of Wisconsin.  And give up cake?  and cookies? Well, the cookies I can live without but not cake. And I’ve always been a soda freak and i’m not supposed to drink that anymore either – don’t even mention diet soda or any ZERO products.  they all leave an aftertaste as if i dipped my tongue in a can of Quaker State 10W-40.

I know, I know.  Exercise.  Didn’t i exercise enough as a kid that i should be retroactively fit until i’m dead?

I know.  Shut up.

qm – raucous caucus

Welcome To The Queen’s Meme #106

7 Royal Questions on Tuesday

So sez Mimi – It’s caucus time in the good ole’ USA. We’re trying to elect a Commander in Chief this year. Whenever I hear the rhetoric known as American politics, or business-as-usual, I try to remember that I’m really after someone of leadership and honesty. Hard to tell these days. Hard to tell. 

What is the meaning of a caucus? By definition in U.S. Politics it is “a meeting of party leaders to select candidates, elect convention delegates, etc.”

 It’s the “etc” I’m worried about. We seem to be talking about a lot of etcs these days. Can’t anyone say what they mean and mean what they say? Bonnie Raitt said it best. They should listen to her.

For purposes of this meme, let’s focus on these political forces: Mitt Romney, Ron Paul, Rick Santorum, Newt Gingrich, Rick Perry and Jon Huntsman.  I submit these questions to be of vital interest and importance to the welfare of our country. And let’s hurry.

By the time we all finish this meme, someone else could drop out. 

Or move to China.

The first United Farmers of Alberta legislative caucus in 1921.

1. What topic would you like to see the candidates discuss that they haven’t already discussed?
The nature of morality and loss of ego in helping your fellow humans.  I can hear the dumbfounded silence already.

2. Which one of these men would run in and save you and your family from a burning building if he knew it would cost him the election?
Ron Paul might.  The others would not cast a second glance unless the family being saved was wealthy.

3. Who is the best dressed candidate?
Liza Minnelli

4. Who would be the best hostage negotiator?
Hostage negotiation takes reason, intelligence and compassion.  So that leaves out just about every one of them.

5. Who has the prettiest and most First-Ladyish wife?  (look for the nails..)
I saw Huntsman’s wife with a box of 10p nails… 

6.  Which one of these men would you trust with the nuclear code?
What are you smoking???

7.  If I, Queen Mimi, invited one of them to Bloggingham for dinner, what should I cook and what question would you like me to ask him?
Rick Santorum.  Were you born a racist homophobic power-hungry two-faced hypocrite?  Fix a hemlock cocktail.

you, my friend, are hallucinating

I actually saw this bumper sticker on a car the other day…

What kind of a fucking cosmic fruitcake would wish this on thIs country?  I know Obama is one of the worst presidents ever…but certainly no where near as evil and fucked up as EITHER Bush but especially this one.  Have you no memory whatsoever?  Are you drinking sterno?  Let me help you remember the intelligence and level of compassion Bush Junior brought to this country…

novel writing, today from the west country in dorset

As I wrote six months ago, I had finally finished the book. Or thought I had.  Some additional changes were suggested that have resulted in vast improvements.  So now I’m shopping it around.  The rejection emails are starting to mount up, which I am thankful for.  At least the agent community has the common decency to respond (well, most of them do).  the everyday business community sucks a dead moose when it comes to common courtesy – all you corporate HR creeps take note, we’d rather hear “you suck’ or “are you kidding me?” rather than nothing al all, which is just egotistically rude.

So anyway, while i’m shopping this i’m starting to write some short stories, a format with which i’ve had the least comfort, but i have a couple ideas…now it’s just getting the best characters.  my immediate reaction is to drag some secondary characters out of the novel and throw them into odd situations.  we’ll see how that pans out.  most writing teachers will tell you to write short stories first then tackle the complexities of a novel.  Right.  Like it’s a surprise I went straight to the novel, bypassing the shorter form.

the sentinel

we have this dog.  his name is slater. he has issues. he was abused before we got him at 2 years of age so he doesn’t do well with people.  or other dogs.  or the watering can behind the bathroom door that he spent ten minutes barking at the other day.  he’s scared of everything.

BUT

he is also the self-appointed guardian of the grand-daughters.  like the monolith watching over the apes in 2001: a space odyssey, he calmly sits by to make sure no evil befalls the munchkins.

For example, here we have the girls making a fort out of empty boxes.  No, you can’t see the girls because they are inside but notice who sits by like a neurotic lifeguard…

i know they're in there

 then of course when playtime is over, it’s time for a spot of tea.  these are not posed, by the way. the goofball’s actions are 100% volunteer.

one lump or two

2011

WordPress very kindly posts year-end summaries for their users.  below are the top 5 commenters on my blog last year.  a large tip of the beanie to you and all my visitors in 2011.

Who were they?

Your most commented on post in 2011 was qm – food stuff (leave it to her majesty to provide the grist for my most viewed post (ok, so half of the comments were mine). a deep bow to her royalness)

 

These were your 5 most active commenters and have earned the OMG UR AWESOME award:

• 1  lime
• 2  Bill
• 3  Lorie Shewbridge
• 4  madtante
• 5  xmichra

signs, signs, everywhere a sign…

my browser needs therapy…

Meanwhile, I found these to be helpful in approaching 2012 with a somewhat less cynical view.  That’s not a resolution.  Well maybe it is.  I give it until January 7th until it comes craching to a halt.  These were liberally stolen from Truth About Mornings.

i wish you