No Joke

It took me two and a half hours to burn one fucking CD tonight. You’d think after spending all this time ruining my eyes on computer screens for the past 18 years I’d be accorded a little SLACK…but nooooOOOOOOOOooooooo….

While with the boy et al on Easter Sunday, we were cruising around Philly looking for a non-crowded breakfasting hole. The car CD jukebox flipped to No Joke by the Meat Puppets for about 6 seconds before the laser lens started jumping across the CD like Aretha Franklin scrambling across a frozen lake to reach the ham sandwich on the far shore. The boy pipes up, “Hey can I grab that from you?”. No prob, except that we both forgot. So being the A+ Dad I thought I’d burn a copy. Now if either of the Kirkwood boys are reading this…chill. We (boy and I) have bought our share of your product including TWO copies of No Joke so I think that entitles us to make a copy to keep between ourselves, don’t you? Jesus, Amazon doesn’t even carry the damn CD anymore except through resellers and iTunes doesn’t sell it at all.

Anyway, I burn a copy. Now if you remember back a week or so ago to my little adventure disassembling the laptop? OK. So I’m using an older, slower laptop that doesn’t even have a 2.0 USB port. It has a single slow port into which I have hooked this USB octopus looking thing in order to run my many gadgets. Although ‘run’ is a relative term…drag is more apropos.

Anyway, I burn a copy. Takes awhile. Out it pops. I stick it in the CD player. It starts. It starts with a short but loud electronic fart just before the music begins. Probably last less than an eighth of a second. Now I am generally not a type-A personality, unless we are discussing my music (Books and food should probably be included to be safe). Don’t fuck with my music, ever. In any way shape or form. And it has to be RIGHT. This audio raspberry is totally unacceptable. Now I have two options: re-burn or edit.

Remember the pieces of laptop? Well that had my editing software on it, and I cannot for the life of me find the original disk. I should mention that I record everything in .WAV format…the hell with MP3s. Hate ’em. By this time my machine has frozen up on me..completely…it’s something that happens almost every time because of a conflict between iTunes and my iOmega burning software. So, reboot. Number 1.

Once back online (a fifteen minute deal…it’s like waiting for the tubes to warm up in an old black and white TV from the fifties) I start searching for some editing software. I actually found this cool little open source tool that suites my needs for the time being (thanx, Greg). OK. I edit the fart. It’s gone.

Let’s burn again. This takes about 20 minutes so I figure now is a good time to hit the reading library, relieve myself and start up a new SuDoKu puzzle. When I return the screen saver has kicked in. I move the mouse..nothing happens except the saver freezing. I figure I’ll wait for the Edsel to catch up with itself. Fifteen minutes. No dice. Screen is frozen. Reboot #2.

Burn attempt #3. I go nowhere. I stand guard while sitting, finishing the book I’m reading while manically moving the mouse every 30 seconds. Finally done. I go to play it. Nope. Screen frozen. Reboot #3.

So now it’s quarter to two (and there’s no one in the place) and my eyes have long popped out of my head and are dangling on my cheeks like an old Tex Avery cartoon.

The kid better appreciate this….

I am soooooooo getting a MacBook….well, after I get a job anyway.



Filed under music, technology

7 responses to “No Joke

  1. ugh…i feel your pain….you’d laugh if i described our set up…

  2. Sounds just like my old dino~sour… I get so frustrated at times with it locking up and it does it all the freaking time 😦

    You didn’t throw this one out the window did you? 🙂

  3. jwcooper3

    Can’t toss this’s all I’ve got at the moment…

  4. Oh man….that sounds painful if you ask me! I haven’t heard that band in a LONG LONG time. I think I even have that cd. Hhmmmm…I’m going to have to see now.

    later gater!

  5. Hey, burn me a copy of that??

    ~just kidding..

  6. Snowelf

    I’m sorry, but I laughed through almost this entire post, and not because of what happened, but because your approach to writing this was so hilarious. That Aretha line was CLASSIC! And I know how you are about your music, so I really do feel bad for you.

    I am SO with you on the MacBook!! I am hoping to be able to acquire mine by the end of this year, so I will wish for one for you too. 🙂
    Although my current computer is a sweetie to me, I’ve far outgrown it and it will be perfect to hand off to the chilis.


  7. Ok Cooper, nest time I will try to squeeze you in right next to the wine ;o)

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