Cat Bowls, Dog Tongues and The Death of a Cookie

Lonely?  Looking for an abusive relationship?  Get a cat. We used to have two, brothers, but we are down to one and since the untimely passage of his sibling and the disappearance of his keeper (my daughter – who is living (on purpose I’m sure) with someone allergic to cats), Spanky has chosen me to be his soul mate.  The only one upon whose lap he will deem worthy to grace his presence (you cat owners know what I mean).  The only one upon whom he will dare to creep up next to at 5 AM and scream his head off for one of two things – to be scratched, or to get a drink.  It’s worse than a three year old.  And speaking of drinking, the animal has his own water bowl, which he ignores.  There is a sink in the spare bathroom usually filled with water, which he ignores unless I am in there with him.  Then we do our water dance.  I empty the sink.  He yowls.  I scratch him.  Then he jumps on the sink.  I turn the faucet on.  He sits and watches it.  I turn the faucet off.  He climbs in the bowl and licks the now dry faucet.  I turn the water back on.  He jumps off the sink.  I turn the faucet off (I’m really not exaggerating here – we go through this all the time).  He jumps back on the sink.  I turn the faucet on.  Then he starts lapping at the running water.  However, if I don’t go in the bathroom, his secondary source applies. His bowl you ask?    Hardly.  It’s more along the lines of “OK.  I’ll show you.  Won’t go in the bathroom and have the nerve to drink in front of me? Then take this…”  My cup of water is taken hostage…

Now I never go through this with the MuscleHead.  She just waits and waits for the next thing to happen.  Flops on her bed or the sofa in my office just waiting,  waiting for a tasty tidbits to come along, like groundhogs, rabbits or chipmunks.  Something to kick in her overactive drool glands then, like Hooch, it looks like she has sneaker shoelaces hanging from her mouth.  But at least she doesn’t wake me up screaming in my face at 5 AM.  She is more likely to kick the shit out of me at 5 AM while she’s snores away on the bed and dreams of someday catching one of the above mentioned furry morsels.  Otherwise she’s a semi-calm companion, more than ready to hop in the car, go to the dog park, meet new friends, and go berserk whenever and of the non-English speaking gas station attendants put the pump nozzle in the car. Most of the attendants now stand about four feet behind the driver’s side door when taking my money, like a cop waiting for some lunatic driver to pull a gun.  She can be intimidating when she wants to be.  It’s always easy to spot my car in any parking lot of any size.  Just look for the four-door with smeared dried nose prints on all four windows.

The Cookies were officially put to rest today.  I wielded the hammer that sunk the last chocolate nail in the coffin.  I closed down my little home baking business with the State, officially un-registered.  That’s two businesses I’ve closed down and I gotta tell ya, I don’t like it.  Doesn’t fill one with a sense of accomplishment.  More like crossing the finish line while the rest of the runners are already in the locker room, showered up and partying down. Even though this was a foregone conclusion, I actually stopped baking things for cashola a month or so ago, that final nail still jostles my already fragile self-esteem.  Maybe I’ll go have a Devil Dog to soothe my ego.  After I feed the cat, of course.



Filed under animals, family, food

9 responses to “Cat Bowls, Dog Tongues and The Death of a Cookie

  1. Snowelf

    You know, that is kind of sad, the way you wrote about closing your business…even if it isn’t truly what you want to do, anything that’s done with a heavy heart means it truly is a loss to you–so I can completely understand how its finale could seem kinda, well, anti-climatic.

    Hugs to you, Coops. But remember, your cat thinks your pretty damn special (and so do i. ;))


  2. cats are determined to drive our sanity from us. i am sure of it. dogs don’t care about our sanity. the baking business makes me sad along with you. dang. i’m sorry 😦

  3. jwcooper3

    Thank you, my friends…

  4. My cats drink from the faucet in the bathroom. They even sit in the tub, they don’t mind the water as long as its not turned on full power.

  5. Oh no!! You can’t stop baking!! Bummer..
    Sorry to hear that. Well, maybe it’s just ‘for now’.

    Cats are awesome, mine is, anyway, I got lucky. My cat is the Best Behaved Girl ever. Honestly, she’s so polite she makes me laugh sometimes. She’s quiet, honest, sincere, present in a way people usually aren’t, and teaches me things about how to be. I ADORE my cat..

    She does jump up at 5am though, for a quick snuggle usually, which is fine with me. If she’s hungry in the morning, she will sometimes pull my lip gently with one claw, which always makes me die laughing. I can’t get mad about that, it’s too funny and cute.

    Try getting him one of those water fountain things, they sometimes like to drink running water better than water that’s been sitting around. You can get cat water bowls that recirculate the water in a little drinking fountain thing. I guess they evolved to drink from streams or something, and don’t always like bowls of day-old water.. Rumpus would drink most often from the kitchen sink, he wasn’t fussy, he liked old dish water, or sometimes my bath water, soap and all. Ack.. But he was a freak.

  6. j

    My cat drink from the shower…she will actually climb in and drink…

    Now Bruce is a different story all together…

    Love your dog coop…

  7. Mike

    2 businesses down maybe, but still plenty of others to try. I lost all my money twice (stopped working and got into massive debt when my first wife was dying and just as house prices crashed in UK some 19 or 20 years ago I found I had bought a new house as the buyer of my old one dropped out. So I owned two houses both with mortgages much higher than the possible reduced selling price, massive debt again!) And one just keeps struggling on. Beat those skins, rely on friends animal and human and “keep on keeping on”. Worked for me and I am sure you have the necessary gumption.

  8. Good God can I relate with the rituals. My cat Pooka, who left me for some NYC Hoochy had this water issue too. When I’d leave for work, I had to leave the water in the bath sink on a slow trickle, just for him. He refused to drink water from his dish and if I didn’t leave that trickle he’d drink outa the toilet leaving water all over the seat. God I miss him madly. He was the only male who’s slept with me in my bed over night in almost 10 years. Yea, I aspire to grow old and be a cat lady?

    I already miss ya Coop. Be good but if you just can’t, contact me and I’ll show you how to be really good at being bad, hahaha!

    (Somehow, I think you might know how to all on your own, huh?)


  9. Cooper, you clearly have a problem with controlling animals. Perhaps you should try goldfish …

    I can’t believe you’ve been blogging this long. You’re a pioneer!

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