Wait a minute…I need to put some soothing music on before I can even begin to write about this…
Ahh…Black Sabbath…there we go…
I have a fairly lengthy commute…about an hour each way; 33 miles door to door but I take primarily back roads so it’s not like I’m sitting in miles of highway traffic. Most days it’s a pleasant ride. But then there was Friday. I was directly behind a motorcycle. Now most bikers I know ride for two reasons: control, speed. This was not the case with the rider in front of me, that rare and dangerous breed – the nervous motorcycle rider. This person…and to be honest I still don’t know if the driver was male or female…rode at a constant 5 mph under the speed limit, except when the road curved, then the driver slowed to 25 mph. We’re not talking hairpin turns here. Again, these are back roads so there is no way to safely pass this idiot. Within 10 minutes there are between 30 and 40 cars stacked up behind me. This lasted for twenty minutes.
Then there was work. It started off with a phone call. One that pissed me off to no end. I won’t go into details, but I was hot. So hot I had to walk outside, call my friend Randy and rant and rave for five or ten minutes.
A bit calmer, I go back into the building. By now my guts are in business for themselves so I really have to use the can. Each men’s room in the building has two stalls and two urinals, all along the same wall (I promise not to get graphic here). So I’m sitting in the first stall when someone comes in to use the urinal next to the stall. I’m not paying attention and I’ve just started a game of FreeFall Uno on my phone in an attempt to wind down further. In my periphery hearing (???) i pick up the the urinal has been flushed and the user has left the room. Then I hear water splashing. The urinal is still running. It’s not stopping. The water is now cascading on to the floor. I look down and notice the drain in the floor is right under my feet… which means the floor is sloped to run into my stall. The water comes churning across the floor. Ever try to take a crap with your feet in the air? The water isn’t stopping. Without going into details I should have a place on the Olympic gymnastic team for the contortions I went through to keep the cuffs of my pants from getting wet (I had to put my feet on the floor as I have not yet learned how to levitate), getting out of the stall, kicking the urinal handle so the water stops running, and getting out of the bathroom without anyone seeing me for fear they’ll think I’M the idiot that let the water overflow.
Oh, we’re not finished yet…
Back at my cube. In order to complete certain tasks I have to have access to three systems that are all named by a single letter, let’s call them A, B and C. I put in a request for an ID and password to these systems. Now to do this there is an online request form from which you get auto responses and resolutions. I assume there is some black box somewhere performing these tasks as there is never a person available to call when something goes wrong. For example, I get a response that my access has been granted and here is my ID. But they do not supply a password. Virtually useless. So, I have to call tech support. They cannot give me the password, for security reasons, but they can reset it and give me a new one. (think about that for a minute). So, I get through to tech support and I end up speaking with….Gomer Pyle. I ask to have my passwords reset on systems A, B, and C. The converstation went something like this:
Gomer: Sir, is that systems A, B, and C?
Me: Yes, A, B, and C.
some silence here, then Gomer: Sorry Sir, that was A, B, N, and C?
Me: No system A, system B, AND system C.
Gomer: A, B and C?
Me; That’s right, yes.
long period of silence here..about 3 -4 minutes.
Gomer: I don’t even see a system N.
(Snow – where are you when I need you?????????)
This song and dance went on, literally, for 25 minutes, during which time I learned what Gomer has been working on for the past 8 years, the company he used to work for, and how complicated things seem these days. I ended up with access to system A. Gomer and the guy sitting next to him couldn’t find system B or C.
It was at this point that I considered the possibility that saying “You want fries with that?” two hundred times a day may not be such a bad thing…