Monday Monday LimeMeme

I give you money and send you into the grocery store to pick up 5 items. You can only pick one thing from the following departments, what is it?
Produce: Cucumbers…for later
Frozen: Waffles…to tack on the walls for soundproofing…to be used with the cucumbers…later
Meat: Ummmmm…..ok I’ll behave
Dairy: Cool Whip…see the first two above
Canned goods: Costco sized Crisco…see the theme emerging here????

Let’s say we’re heading out for a weekend getaway.
You’re only allowed to bring 3 articles of clothing with you. So, what’s in your bag?
Tomato Paste
Flexi-straw
Efferdent

If I was to listen in on one of your conversations throughout the day, what 4 phrases or words would I be most likely to hear?
“What a butt face”
“Yes.  That’s right.  A little to the left though…”
“No, the catcher’s mitt goes on your hand….”
“Goober”

So, what 4 things do you find yourself doing every single day, and if you didn’t get to do, you probably wouldn’t be in the best mood?
Stick pins in my Dick Cheney doll

Breathe
Pee
Watch reruns of My Little Margie

You’re driving down the road, and suddenly you’re hit with this sense of road rage. What 3 factors probably contributed to it?
I woke up
I dropped the spaghetti in my lap
Either Obama or McCain will be the next President

Sweet, you just scored a whole afternoon to yourself. We’re talking a 3 hour block with nobody around. What 5 activities might we find you doing?
Carving Mesopotamian curse words into the sheetrock in my living room
Rearranging the patio furniture to outwit the squirrels out back…little bastards
Making sure the Wesson Oil is still…ummm….usable
Sticking the tops of D batteries against my tongue…looking for a quick hit.
Hot-wiring the little creep next door’s Big Wheel to only go in reverse

We’re going to the zoo. But, it looks like it could start storming, so it’ll have to be a quick visit. What 3 exhibits do we have to get to?
Albino Peacocks
Mute Parrots
Brazilian Neck-less Emu

You just scored tickets to the taping of any show that comes on t.v. of your choice. You can pick 4, so what are you going to see?
Religion & Ethics Today
Bugs Bunny
Oprah – but only if I can bring Lime’s rotten tomatoes
I Love Lucy……what?….you’re kidding?…when did that happen?

You’re hungry for ice cream. I’ll give you a triple dipper ice cream cone. What 3 flavors can I pile on for ya?
Vanilla
Vanilla
Vanilla

Somebody stole your purse/wallet…in order to get it back, you have to name 5 things you know are inside to claim it. So, what’s in there?
1952 Studebaker
Jimmy Hoffa
The Lindberg Baby
A picture of Kelly Ripa duct taped to the prop of a twin-engine plane just before take off
Chap-Stik…meat flavored

You are at a job fair, and asked in what areas you are interested in pursuing a career. Let’s pretend you have every talent and ability to be whatever you wanted, so what 4 careers would be fun for you?
The guy that hoses out the video booths at the porn book store
Grand Poobah of The Royal Order of WaterBuffalo
Practical Joke Director at Greyson’s Funeral Home
Gigolo To The Stars

If you could go back and talk to the old you, when you were in high school, and inform yourself of 4 things, what would you say?

“Don’t Do It!!!!!”
“Relax. One shot clears it up.”
“That cheese sandwich in your locker?  Get rid of it.  Now.”
“You’ll be ok as long as you don’t accept that ride from Jane Kamanski”

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5 Comments

Filed under meme

5 responses to “Monday Monday LimeMeme

  1. ok, i just saw the comment you left at my place so i HAD to rush over and see what you did.

    dude, you had me at “cucumber”

    do you have any idea how hard i had to work to stifle laughter so i don’t wake up the whole damn house? all i can say is thank god i have good bladder control and all i am wiping up is the tears running down my cheeks. i’m dying here!

  2. As a fellow farmer, I’ve heard enough cucumber jokes to last me a life time~ as you can well imagine. However, yours got me~ It’s nice for the produce to be on the other… what ever 😉

  3. Well now I feel annoyingly bland and ordinary.

  4. This one is extremely off-the-wall. It it you or your cold talking?

    Bill

  5. snowelf

    Nice! Very Nice! 🙂

    “Either Obama or McCain will be the next President.”

    Yea, they just don’t leave us a lot to work with, do they…

    sigh.

    “You’ll be ok as long as you don’t accept that ride from Jane Kamanski”

    And what’s that all about? 😉

    –snow

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