I give you money and send you into the grocery store to pick up 5 items. You can only pick one thing from the following departments, what is it?
Produce: Cucumbers…for later
Frozen: Waffles…to tack on the walls for soundproofing…to be used with the cucumbers…later
Meat: Ummmmm…..ok I’ll behave
Dairy: Cool Whip…see the first two above
Canned goods: Costco sized Crisco…see the theme emerging here????
Let’s say we’re heading out for a weekend getaway. You’re only allowed to bring 3 articles of clothing with you. So, what’s in your bag?
If I was to listen in on one of your conversations throughout the day, what 4 phrases or words would I be most likely to hear?
“What a butt face”
“Yes. That’s right. A little to the left though…”
“No, the catcher’s mitt goes on your hand….”
So, what 4 things do you find yourself doing every single day, and if you didn’t get to do, you probably wouldn’t be in the best mood?
Stick pins in my Dick Cheney doll
Watch reruns of My Little Margie
You’re driving down the road, and suddenly you’re hit with this sense of road rage. What 3 factors probably contributed to it?
I woke up
I dropped the spaghetti in my lap
Either Obama or McCain will be the next President
Sweet, you just scored a whole afternoon to yourself. We’re talking a 3 hour block with nobody around. What 5 activities might we find you doing?
Carving Mesopotamian curse words into the sheetrock in my living room
Rearranging the patio furniture to outwit the squirrels out back…little bastards
Making sure the Wesson Oil is still…ummm….usable
Sticking the tops of D batteries against my tongue…looking for a quick hit.
Hot-wiring the little creep next door’s Big Wheel to only go in reverse
We’re going to the zoo. But, it looks like it could start storming, so it’ll have to be a quick visit. What 3 exhibits do we have to get to?
Brazilian Neck-less Emu
You just scored tickets to the taping of any show that comes on t.v. of your choice. You can pick 4, so what are you going to see?
Religion & Ethics Today
Oprah – but only if I can bring Lime’s rotten tomatoes
I Love Lucy……what?….you’re kidding?…when did that happen?
You’re hungry for ice cream. I’ll give you a triple dipper ice cream cone. What 3 flavors can I pile on for ya?
Somebody stole your purse/wallet…in order to get it back, you have to name 5 things you know are inside to claim it. So, what’s in there?
The Lindberg Baby
A picture of Kelly Ripa duct taped to the prop of a twin-engine plane just before take off
You are at a job fair, and asked in what areas you are interested in pursuing a career. Let’s pretend you have every talent and ability to be whatever you wanted, so what 4 careers would be fun for you?
The guy that hoses out the video booths at the porn book store
Grand Poobah of The Royal Order of WaterBuffalo
Practical Joke Director at Greyson’s Funeral Home
Gigolo To The Stars
If you could go back and talk to the old you, when you were in high school, and inform yourself of 4 things, what would you say?
“Don’t Do It!!!!!”
“Relax. One shot clears it up.”
“That cheese sandwich in your locker? Get rid of it. Now.”
“You’ll be ok as long as you don’t accept that ride from Jane Kamanski”