What is your salad dressing of choice?
Depends on the purpose. To bathe in, French. To grease the car, Balsamic. For…um…well…you know…Honey Mustard.
What is your favorite sit-down restaurant?
I only visit stand up restaurants
What food could you eat for 2 weeks straight and not get sick of it ?
Pizza or Fried chicken. For 2 weeks high, a box of Ring Dings. Every 5 minutes.
What are your pizza toppings of choice?
Pepperoni and Meredith Salenger
What do you like to put on your toast?
Something witty and heartfelt
How many televisions are in your house?
What color cell phone do you have?
What does the first text message in your in box say and who sent it?
$1000 by midnight or the bullfrog gets it. Jimmy Hoffa
Who was the last person to call you?
Call me what?
Are you right-handed or left-handed?
Have you ever had anything removed from your body?
What is the last heavy item you lifted?
You flatter me….
If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die?
As long as it’s not Friday I’m good with it
If you could change your name, what would you change it to?
Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1000?
I’m sure I have throughout my life…where’s my grand???
How many pairs of flip-flops do you own?
I don’t have any pairs…I just buy the left foot.
Last time you had a run-in with the cops?
Hmmmm…never raced a cop before…
Last person you talked to in person?
I try to talk to people in english
Yes, dammit. I just can’t seem to keep a straight aim..
My ring is a shade of cyan
What are you listening to?
The letters skitter across the screen as I type
The next comet to strike the earth
What’s the last movie you watched ?
Debbie Does Shopping
Do you smile often?
I’m having my face altered to mimic Jack Nicholson’s Joker in Batman
Do you always answer your phone?
Only when it asks me a question
It’s four in the morning and you get a text message, who is it?
Someone with a death wish
If you could change your eye color what would it be?
What flavor do you add to your drink at Sonic Drive In ?
Do you own a digital camera?
Do any of us really own anything?
Have you ever had a pet fish?
Eric. Eric Fish. Hesan’alibut.
Favorite Christmas song?
Silent Night, the duet version featuring The Andrew Sisters and Slipknot
What’s on your wish list for your birthday?
Meredith Salenger (see a pattern here???)
Can you do push ups?
Only if I make the correct purchase at Victoria’s Secret
Can you do a chin up?
Does the future make you more nervous or excited?
oh I think there’s a great future in it
Do you have any saved texts.
The Dead Sea scrolls. The entire works of Dave Shakespeare (William’s younger brother)
Ever been in a car wreck?
I saw one the other day but the cops wouldn’t let me climb in….bastards
Do you have an accent?
yes…grave…over the e
Song to make you cry?
anything by Lionel Ritchie
Cape Cod beach house.
Have you ever felt like you hit rock bottom?
I hit Rock Hudson once. Don’t know Rock Bottom.
Name 3 things you bought yesterday?
A coke. Another coke. Michael Jackson’s left pinky toe
Have you ever been given roses?
Dandruff in my ears (what’s with all the worry questions???)
Current hate right now?
Being chased around the house with a cattle prod
Met someone who changed your life? When?
My Aunt. The week she bought Cap’n Crunch instead.
What song represents you?
They’re Coming To Take Me Away, HaHa….
What were you doing 12 AM last night?
Presiding over the weekly sacrifice