1. The Weather Channel: Give me your personality forecast. Are you sunny, wet, windy, or cloudy? Why?
Periods of widely scattered stoicism, becoming heavy at times, followed by a ridge of highly egregious consternation. Tomorrow, more of the same with temperatures in the high 300’s but no humidity, so if you’re heading to the beach be sure to bring plenty of illicit olfactory ambiance.
2. The News Channel: What is the breaking news story of the day in your world?
This just in: Big light in sky slated to appear in East. Traffic lights add new color without a definition. New law passed to require Braille for cockpit instruments in all new 747s. And there’s hamburger all over the highway in Mystic, Connecticut. (apologies to phil, phil, dave & pete)
3. The Economic Channel: How are things on the economic front? And more importantly, do you have ideas to save the planet from financial ruin?
While a bleak economic outlook continues to darken the doorstep of most people, the first real positive action was taken today by universal consent of the populace, declaring the government and the Federal Reserve antiquated and irrelevant institutions, closing both down permanently. In addition a cap was placed on the number of attorney’s permitted per state at 1 per thousand square miles and insurance companies were prohibited.
4. The Entertainment Channel: Give us the latest blog celebrity gossip. Dish it!
In today’s celebrity news, the entire world came to the realization that their celebrity fascination is nothing more than a distraction from being happy and leading their own lives. Consequently most TV and Newspapers have gone out of business and there have been reports of mass suicides in the L.A. area. Meanwhile, productivity and the GNP have tripled, cures for cancer and AIDS have been discovered, and war has ceased to exist throughout the planet.
5. The Sports Channel:Make up a sport, give your team a name and choose five players from the list of names on the Mr. Linky list. What are the rules of the game?
Extreme Croquet– This week’s players are jen the dust bunny hostage, autumn, twistedsister, tarot mom and the gal herself.
Standard Croquet rules except every player is allowed to charge and hit any other player once they’ve addressed the ball but before they hit it. Contact can be with body or mallet. In addition, the entire playing area will be covered in strawberry jell-o and will continuously coated by the underground sprinkler system.
If a player hits another player’s ball they have the choice of hitting the players ball away or making the other player take the the next two turns naked.
Hitting the first post at the opposite end entitles that player to one free hit on any other player, or a free lunch at Tavern on The Green.
The first player to complete the course gets to throw banana cream pies at the other players until that player doesn’t feel like it anymore.
There are no turns in FCC…play is continuous until someone wins or everyone gets fed up.
6. The Comedy Channel: How will you make us laugh today? Tell us a blunny (that’s blog + funny for all you non-blog speakers)
7. The Religious Channel: Make up a blog religion. Tell us why your blog church will save our souls.
The Church of Inspirational Lewd Behavior. All comers welcome.
8. (but who’s counting?) The Soap Opera Channel: What is the name of your soap opera?
The Young & The Speechless. The first all mime soap opera, featuring an all-mute, all-female cast.