Here’s my idea for the next hit reality show. It’s called I Can’t Believe You’re Still Walking On This Planet You Self-Absorbed Waste of Oxygen.
Here is the premise, which is loosely based on survivor, very loosely. There is a spit of sand in the middle of the Amazon River. A one acre piece of dirt with no trees, no rocks, no sticks…nothing. The patch is surrounded by the Amazon; it’s a full one hundred yards in any direction to get across the water and back to the mainland. Each week, a special guest star is helicoptered in and dropped on the island with the goal of reaching the mainland. Simple yes? No. The Amazon is infested with piranha at all times, and as the sun goes down, billions of hungry fire ants rise to the surface of the island (with a scorpion or two thrown in just for giggles) to spend the night feeding. Good, huh? The list of contestants is endless…
Dick Cheney (on the off-chance he does escape. If not just use his twin, Rush Limbaugh)
The South Korean parents who let their 3 month old starve to death while they raised a virtual child online at the local internet cafe – not making this shit up
The Lohan Family
The Spears Family
Peter Graf (tennis great Steffie Graf’s Dad, famous for punching spectators during tennis matches)
George Bush Jr.
Karl Lagerfeld (dumbass)
Anyone who plays the Pan Flute professionally.
See? There’s the first series! I think it’s a true ratings winner. Raid or Coppertone or Mrs. Paul’s would jump at the chance to sponsor this shit.