Charities need to get up to speed. Yes I know that once you write a check to the Stop Squirrel Testicle Mange Foundation the offers from every worthwhile cause come flooding in. That’s fine. But seriously, I now have enough return address labels to last me a dozen lifetimes. Don’t these folks realize the post office is a slowly dying entity? Why else would they be stopping Saturday service? Please, enough with the return address labels, especially the ones with the nauseating cute drawings of pink teddy bears, smiling stars and rainbows.
And speaking of that, what is the deal with these clowns that make cheques (another slowly dying industry) with more sappy drawings than should be allowed by law? Unicorns, fairies, angels, rainbows. Is this really our chosen method of personal expression? What does it get us anyway? Do the people we send them to really care? I hardly think so. Here’s a list of things that I would love to see on my bank cheques :
Open heart surgery
Fatal traffic accidents
A Jenna Jameson gang bang
A cute cuddly bear taking a dump in a stream
Celebrity post-mortem stills
(and now that I think of it, these ideas would make me charge more stuff just to be able to write more cheques…talk about an economic stimulus package)
Here’s something else that is getting trickier to accomplish, just try to buy a roll of 35mm film. The supermarkets have stopped carrying them and the drug stores (once the bastion of family photographic needs) have a couple dust-encrusted roles of outdated 10,000 asa fuji film about. Getting them developed is another nightmare…where have all the fotomats gone (wasn’t that a Peter, Paul & Mary song?)?