12 things not to include on your eHarmony or match.com questionaire, or how to avoid yet another restraining order

  1. Schicklgruber is a family name.
  2. You were expelled from pre-school for sexual assault.
  3. Your favorite hobby is collecting nuclear facility core radiation samples.
  4. Your mother’s nickname was Cyclops.
  5. Seventeen people in your family have been treated for hoof and mouth.
  6. There is no finer entertainer, in your eyes, than Shari Lewis.
  7. You are convinced OJ is innocent.
  8. You believe a toilet seat is the tool of Satan.
  9. Your favorite meal is a steaming plate of liver and onions with a side order of haggis.
  10. You know the size and brand of your mother’s brassiere.
  11. Every other male on your father’s side has twelve toes.  On each foot.
  12. Your sister, BitchStalker, has her fifth parole hearing in a couple of weeks.
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6 Comments

Filed under common sense

6 responses to “12 things not to include on your eHarmony or match.com questionaire, or how to avoid yet another restraining order

  1. Question: What do you like best in a woman?
    Answer: My C*ck

    yep. real answer.

  2. 13. you come from a family of polygamists and aspire to multiple wives yourself.

    14. the best conversation you’ve ever had was with a visiting alien from the planet zynar 4.

    15. hannibal lechter is your hero.

    16. you took all your pets to the taxidermist when they died and now have them as a part of your home decor.

    17. you’ve cashed in all your retirement funds, sold all your worldly goods and have budgeted the proceeds to last for one uninterrupted party until 12/02/2012 because you’re certain the mayans were right.

  3. uh, yeah, see also #9 with a side of fava beans and a bottle of chianti

  4. 18. Your biggest ambition is getting an appearance in a reality show.

    19. You have several self-storage units filled with action figures. Someday, it will make you rich.

    20. You have a powerful stereo and fancy rims on your car. Now if only you can get it to start more often than not.

    21. If God had not intended for you to be hairy all over, He would not have made you that way.

    22. Sheryl Crow was right. If a single sheet is not enough, so be it!

    23. Your idea of an athletic workout is stealing a model rocket from a kid before he can get to where it landed.

    Bill

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