c t d…

So much crazy news out there lately -from sunbursts to outbursts to implants to supplements. Here are a few topics spinning off the newswire.. Sound off and tell us how you really feel about it. Your opinion counts.

1. What would you do about the BP oil spill? Give us your suggestions.
Get the government out of it  (although they are already giving BP millions in ‘incentives’).
If BP fails, let ’em fail.
Hold BP top management and board members criminally liable, jointly and severally – take all their assets, corporate and personal, in order to fund the clean-up.

2. Tipper and Al Gore are calling it quits.
looks like global warming missed the Gore residence

3. It’s hot! The heat index topped 104 degrees today in some parts of the United States. How is the weather in your part of the world?
light, with increasing scattered patches of darkness

4. Do you think smoking should be banned in public places?
No.  How else could we douse politicians with gasoline and set them on fire???

5. Unemployment from the top down: Do you think President Obama has a good chance or no chance of being re-elected in the next US election?
It really doesn’t matter.  if he stays, status quo.  If he goes, some other bozo will have a turn at pretending things are ok.

6. What??! Actor Gary Coleman’s wife reportedly sold private pictures of the deceased actor on his deathbed.
Was this before or after her scheduled Jerry Springer appearance?  i understand she had the pictures hidden in a back cabinet of her double-wide.

7. Texting while driving. Do you? Don’t you? Will you? Won’t you?
Sure.  Why Not?  I think drivers should be allowed to text, read, talk on the phone, eat, take a quick 40 winks, snort coke, jerk off, drink heavily and assemble lawn furniture while cruising at 80 miles an hour.  It would certainly make the roads a lot more interesting…

8. Lindsay Lohan. Has she been treated fairly or unfairly by the legal system?
Completely unfairly.  She should have been locked up long-term and her mother should be dipped in honey and strapped to a piece of ground housing a million fire ants.

9. The Sarah Palin rumor mill caught wind of her recent decision to have breast implants….so said the reporters-who-need-to-get-a-job-and-stop-making-up-news. She has denied the earthshaking allegations. Was this really news?
Define news.  News in the sense of things that have import to my existence?  Of course not.  That type of news no longer exists.  News is the sence of salacious celebrity crap giving everyone who buys into it a sense that this is the pinnacle of success and these troglodytes are people we should emulate?  Yes…because that’s all there is anymore anyway.
btw, the only way i would vote for Sarah Palin is if she did get implants and posed in Hustler, to be a pig about it.

10. An asteroid is supposed to hit Earth this Friday. Are you prepared?
what’s to prepare?  BAM…we’re gone….



Filed under life, meme

9 responses to “c t d…

  1. Love your answers particularly the fate of Lindsay Lohan’s mother since this is one of my favorite means to dispose of people the world would be better off without.

  2. Once again, your answers are spot on and hilarious. I cracked up and all of them
    Good job in your style of course.

  3. You do write a humor blog. Every one is hysterical. The Gores….they will never live down the warming jokes. I feel for em!

  4. Dor Al Gore, the fact is An Inconvenient Truth.

  5. #10, wait, lemme get my umbrella…

  6. 1 – be glad I do not own BP stock. Actually, I do, but only a small amount in a mutual fund.

    2 – great. Now they will be doubling their collective carbon footprint.

    3 – we have been complaining about the heat for weeks already down here.

    4 – figures. They already banned sex in public places…

    5 – neither. He does not run again until 2012.

    6 – What cha talkin ’bout, Willis?

    7 – no. It is enough of a challenge to drive while driving.

    8 – tell me more about dipping her mother in honey. Can I lick her off?

    9 – I don’t care. I’m a leg man. From what I can tell, Tina Fey has nicer legs.

    10 – no, I still have money left over.


  7. logo™

    Good answers!

    I like ’em all

  8. 1. Give the land back to the Native Americans.
    2. Who cares?
    3. Weather’s fine. I’m barbecuing ribs. There’s plenty of beer.
    4. Whining should be banned in public places. Smoking should be compulsory and limited to hand-rolled, long filler cigars.
    5. Who? Oh, him. We need to unelect all the legislators and replace them with humans with some kind of moral code. Then the dork in the White House will barely matter.
    6. The news is all about scumbags. The importance is kind of minimal in most cases, and in the Gary Coleman case it’s really useless information. The real importance of the Gary Coleman story is how much the public cares about his scumbag wife, but won’t lift a finger to do anything about our decaying society.
    7. Which brings us to the problem of testing while driving. The same people who think the Gary Coleman story is news, probably texted about it while driving. Idiots.
    8. The only thing unfair in Lindsay Lohan’s treatment is that she’s rich despite her complete lack of brains or talent.
    9. Sarah Palin’s tits are interesting, but they’re not newsworthy.
    10. Like I said at the beginning, I have 15 pounds of baby back ribs on the barbecue and a case and a half of cold beer on ice. What difference can an asteroid make?
    Happy Friday,

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