back from the beach

a week at the beach playing the tourist among the wealthy that own their own houses mansions.  Building a modest domicile anywhere near rolling waves is a thing of the past. Some of these monsters go beyond ostentatious straight into mega-hubris.  Makes me wonder what all these folks do for a living…

so anyway (“a dead crab? she said she said she said..and I don’t like the sound of his liver…”).  Being middle-aged and overweight, I sat under an umbrella in my beach-chair, my exposed skin (not much) slathered in spf 10,000.  I look out over the beautiful blue surf and sky, the gulls flying overhead, the laughter of kids rolling in the surf and I think to myself…

“When did the beach become a live version of the Victoria’s Secret catalog?” then go through the usual (male) mental gymnastics of  “i’ll start exercising, get good and buff, six-pack abs and I’ll be the hottest thing on the beach” as I down another DevilDog, slurp the remnants of my non-Diet Coke and nearly leap out of my chair at the sound of bells back on the dunes signalling the arrival of the Mr. Softee truck.  Who’s kidding who here?  I’ve never seen so many older gentlemen suck in their guts  in unison when one of the bunnies pass by.

And speaking of the bunnies.  Why is it that these women show up in bathing suits with less material than a table napkin but spend all their time inspecting and adjusting said towelettes to ensure their butts and other areas are properly covered?   If you’re that concerned about flashing everyone buy a suit with an extra ten square inches of fabric for crying out loud.

As this was the 4th of July week, fireworks were held on the island.  I do love fireworks, but trying to cram the entire island’s populace into a supermarket parking lot is a bit insane.  Not to mention all these lovely folks leaving at exactly the same time and all headed in the same direction. 50,000 people on a two-lane road.  Sweet.



Filed under clothing, culture, food, vacation, women

3 responses to “back from the beach

  1. ya know, for what it’s worth, i’d take some pudgy middle-aged dude over some damn fool with a six pack who wears his swim trunks halfway down his ass with either his underwear or his ass hanging out. seriously? this is style? why aren’t the young people just on a nude beach, between the bunnies with the bottom half of their asses exposed and the guys with the top half of theirs exposed there are whole naked asses all over the beach.

    as for real estate. where i was has all little bungalows and cabins. they are modest looking, some are just plain rundown and not one of these things, even those with less than 1000 square feet, built 2 feet from their neighbor go for under $150K.

  2. yeah, i figured the ones you were talking about were a helluva a lot more because they are palatial but seriously, the ones i am talking about are teeny weeny places with no view and in need of many repairs.

    but 7 mil….yeah, let me pull that outta my hip pocket, mkay? riiiight

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