musical ctd…

During this morning’s commute I was listening to a 1980’s rant from the late, great Bill Hicks about Debbie Gibson having the top selling album that year.  It’s an hysterical routine ending with his impersonation of a Jimi Hendrix/Debbie Gibson solo album where Debbie runs screaming from the studio pleading to be taken back to mall that spawned her while Jimi’s buzzsaw guitar/dick saws her into a cord of wood.

Trust me.  It’s funny.  You have to be there.

I wondered for a micro-second if the musical trend had improved and then snapped back to reality knowing full well that since the 80’s ‘popular’ music has continued to plummet into the fiery depths of hell.

Allow me to demonstrate…

2008 – best-selling album – Lil’ Wayne  – Tha Carter III
let’s sample some of the lyrics that over twenty million (let’s repeat that  – TWENTY….MILLION) people PAID for…

Okay, lil mama had a swag like mine
Even wear her hair down her back like mine
I make her feel right when its wrong like lyin
Man, she ain never had a love like mine
N’ man I aint never seen a ass like hers
And that pussy in my mouth had me at a loss fo words
Told her to back it up like erp erp
And make that ass jump like shczerp shczerp
And thats when she said I lo-lo-look like a lollipop
( oh yeah I like that )
She said I lo-lo-look like a lollipop
( oh yeah I like that )
She said I lo-lo-look like a lollipop
( oh yeah I like that )
Shawty I lo-lo-lookin like a lollipop
( oh yeah I like that )

CHORUS:
Shawty wanna thug( oh yeah I like that )
Bottles in the club( oh yeah I like that )
Shawty say I lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-look like a lollipop
She say I lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-look like a lollipop
Lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-lo-look like a lollipop
Wanna lick the rapper
So I letta lick the rapper
Shawty wanna thug( oh yeah I like that )
Bottles in the club( oh yeah I like that )
Shawty wanna hump( oh yeah I like that )
And ooo I like to touch ya lovely lady lumps
( Repeat 2x )

Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Call me so I can do it juicy for ya
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Call me so I can do it juicy for ya
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Call me so I can do it juicy for ya
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Call me so I can do it juicy for ya

Still doubting the decline of civilization?  Let’s move on to 2009 and the white girl high school thoughts of…

2009 – best-selling album – Taylor Swift – Fearless

You’re on the phone with your girlfriend, she’s upset
She’s going off about something that you said
‘Cause she doesn’t get your humor like I do

I’m in the room, it’s a typical Tuesday night
I’m listening to the kind of music she doesn’t like
And she’ll never know your story like I do

But she wears short skirts, I wear T-shirts
She’s Cheer Captain and I’m on the bleachers
Dreaming about the day when you wake up and find
That what you’re looking for has been here the whole time

Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop.  My brain was beginning to hemorrhage. 

The real question now is whether there’s an endorsement deal Swift will turn down.  She’s already got Sony and Cover Girl.  Why not Diet Coke?  Maybe Panasonic…she could have her own line of ‘personal electronic devices’ – just think of the marketing bonanza when these creative copy-writing geniuses start toying around with “Swift” and “dildo”….

As Mr. Hicks said…”Play from your fucking heart!!!!”

Advertisements

3 Comments

Filed under america, celebrities, comedy, music, rant, soapbox

3 responses to “musical ctd…

  1. snowelf

    Snickers loves Taylor swift and i always figure that it could be worse. as long as she doesn’t start idolizing Lindsay Lohan, I’m okay with that. Taylor, to me, is tolerable.

    However that first one…and granted, I like all kinds of music as long as the lyrics are meaningful…

    I have no idea who that even is.

    –snow

  2. what i think might be really scary is that both of these individuals ARE playing from the heart.

    *shudders*

  3. lol.. you may not want to venture to my blog 😉 though neither of these are there, pretty sure my selection for today will have you wondering if you could ever really look me int he (blog) eye again.. lol..

    The first “song” i like the beat too. I hate the lyrics. So, it’s out for me.

    The second.. omg… i seriously can’t stand taylor swift. I mean, I hate country as a given, but she is the “artist” who needs a kick. blech.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s