The National Moron Test

After years of painstaking scientific research and analysis, we here at Coopernicus Labs have created what we believe to be the consummate self-help guide to determining the level of imbecility for any given individual regardless of race, gender, ethnicity, religious beliefs, sexual orientation and KFC skin preference.

If you are ready…let us begin….

Read the following scenarios.  Think about each one and how you would react.  After reading all the scenarios, answer the questions at the end.

1.  You are sitting in a crowded public library surfing on one of the two dozen computers when you whip out your cell phone and start calling stores, in a loud voice, to make sure they actually offer what their online ads say the offer.

2. You pull up to a red traffic light in the right lane of a three lane stop where the right lane is right turn only, the center lane is straight and the left lane is left turn only.  Within 20 feet of the stop you decide you want to make a left and , without signalling or slowing down, you cross over two lanes of traffic to get in the left lane.

3. You order a cup of hot coffee from (name your favorite establishment here) and are surprised to find that spilling said beverage on exposed flesh hurts.

4a. Walking into a blood lab/clinic that you have never visited before, you are confronted with a computer terminal, clipboard and a sign in large bold type reading, “Please sign in on the computer.  If you have not been here in over a year, please fill out the documents on the clipboard.”  After signing in on the computer you stick your head through the receptionist window to ask if you need to fill out the documents on the clipboard as well.

4b.  While filling out the paper work you ask the receptionist what is today’s date.  She says the 25th.  You ask,  what month?

5.  You climb up to the roof of a garage and jump off, at an angle, toward the trampoline in the back yard and expect to bounce off the trampoline straight in the air.


Do any of the above scenarios seem reasonable?  Yes/No

Have you participated in any like activities?  Yes/No

Are you related to anyone who has been involved in like activities?  Yes/No

Do you believe, as the ad states, that Fruit Loops and Apple Jacks cereal are good for you due to their fiber content? Yes/No

If you answer “Yes” to any of the questions above, you have crossed into my sphere of existence and have publicly displayed what most people would call – stupidity.   Seek help immediately.

(Coming soon…….The National Parent Test)


Filed under quiz, stupidity

5 responses to “The National Moron Test

  1. Coopernicus Labs – LOVE IT! You are quite funny, you know that?!

  2. logo™

    Re. above comment;
    Cooper, I get told I’m trying all the time

    I hate those people. I try not to, really, because graciousness seems so admirable in others, but I really…
    ya know

  3. I find it unfair that I would be stupid just because I am related to asshats who would say yes to the other questions.

    all the same, this was brilliant!

  4. you need to trademark this, publish it, and go on a nationwide tour hawking it.

    and given my history with a zipline, the trampoline thing was coming dangerously close to marking me, but i did pass the test in the end.

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