medium rare with a side of meme

Welcome to The Queen’s Meme #51

It’s called the Cooking 101 Meme

I could use some cooking advice. In fact, I could use a LOT of cooking advice. Would you indulge me? If you’ve read my blog very long you know that my kitchen disasters are legendary. I have a few culinary questions for you. Please feel free to share recipes!! (and instructions on how to decode them)

1. What is the best dish you can cook?
One of the dinner plates.  Although I’ve become adept at the chafing dish.

2. Do I have to beat eggs or can I whip them gently? Sounds so violent to me.
Depends on the egg’s proclivities.  Just make sure you have a safety word.

3. I am reading a recipe right now for Hearty Beef-n-Cheese Pie from a recipe book I dug out of the cabinet. The instructions read…”Preheat oven to 375 degrees. In large frying pan, brown ground beef, onion and green pepper.”
I am already lost. Why must I turn on the oven and put the frying pan in it? And how does one turn beef AND peppers brown at the same time?!
What color should the onion be?
When confused, call Dominos.

4. Did you ever cook something for your family that no one enjoyed and you had to throw out?
Of course. I found a recipe for Texas Meatloaf but the strong, pungent taste of armadillo roadkill didn’t go over well.

5. Why do all recipes say “mix sugar, flour and salt?” Don’t they cancel out the other?
Before the great Baking Rights Movement of the sixties they were segregated as a matter of policy.  These days integration is the name of the game.

uh-oh

6. Why must you add eggs “one at a time” to a mixing bowl? Does anybody really know the answer to this question?
Egg Gangs are an ugly thing.  When confronted, they partake in a Jets/Sharks rumble with all other ingredients, especially the Butter Boys.  One at a time, however, they play nicely and live in total harmony with all their bowl mates.

7. Please post the recipe to something you think even I can cook.
I am begging you! It is no fun being a afraid of my own crockpot.
If you can melt butter and warm some cream you can make this.  No “cooking” involved.  And it is complete heaven on earth.

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10 Comments

Filed under food, meme

10 responses to “medium rare with a side of meme

  1. Armadillo roadkill would make a few dinner guests desert.

  2. Funny as ever. Love the Lime Mousse. It is very similar to my Lemon Cheese Pie.

    Use Graham Cracker Crust

    Filling:

    1/4 cup lemon juice
    1 can Eagle Brand Sweet condensed milk
    2 large bricks cream cheese

    Whip until fluffy and spread in crust. Allow to chill until firm.

    “Ice” with Sugared Sour Cream (adjust sweetness to taste) Allow to set before slicing.

  3. logo™

    I’m so glad I married a gifted cook.
    My very favorite thing to make for dinner is a phone call.
    I did, however, print out the directions to that lime mousse cake because I clearly hate my arteries and wish to enlarge my ass.

  4. I like crunchy things. I hope the Queen has us all to the castle for din-din so we can sample your delicous dinner dish (or chafing). Thanks for the diet coke pic, BTW. mmmm, bacon…

  5. maybe i’ll have mastered glasswear by then

  6. #2. yep, that was basically what my answer would have been too.

    #5. hilarious

    #7. you’re killing me….

  7. The workings of your mind are not for the fainthearted. I am continually amazed at the twists and turns. Very funny stuff.

    BTW, there aren’t a lot of blogs THIS funny. I hope you are listed in the Humor Blogs directories. You should be…or maybe THEY should list HERE.

    I’ll be down by the shore if you need any cooking advice.

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