qm – excuse me i can’t hear you. my ear is full of milk…

Welcome to the Queen’s Meme #67.
It’s called The Strange January Meme.

There are some strange traditions associated with this month, many of those noted here are British customs, however, strange customs hail from every corner of the globe. Help me decipher the January mysteries of the Universe below. And I sincerely hope you remembered to bake a cake for the cow.

1. January usually has ample amounts of snowfall in parts of the world. Did you ever make snow cream as a kid?
i always thought snow cream was made with an anatomically correct male snowman on the front lawns of, say, Marilyn Chambers or Jenna Jamison where the only real issue was keeping their knees from freezing….

2. January is the first month of the year in the Gregorian calendar. The name comes from the Latin word ianua meaning door and is named after the god of the doorway, Janus.
Is there a particular door you’d like to step through this year?
the god of the doorway isn’t jim morrison??? i have so much to learn. meredith salenger’s doorway would be nice…or christina hendricks….or sookie’s – but only to set the house on fire..

3. January is one of the months with 31 days. What are you going to do with that extra day?
I’m going to sell it to Caribbean freedom fighters in exchange for a weekend for two in the aruba with mr. van derslut.   i hear there is a lovely beachfront abattoir with rotating knives..

4. In medieval times superstition dictated that the 1st day of January was significant for prosperity, or lack of it, in a person’s life. Farmers put a flat cake on the horns of a cow and they danced and sang songs around the cow until the cake was thrown to the ground. If it fell in front of the cow that meant good luck; it if fell behind the cow that meant bad luck for the rest of the year. (sounds like a typical frat party)
Do you have strange New Year customs in your household?
we clarify ten pounds of butter, divide it into pint size buckets, hand those out to all our neighbors and then run through the street naked having a butter fight. First person to congeal gets licked by the remaining players…

5. Did you know that it’s unlucky to see the first new moon of the year through a window? You should,  instead, look through a new silk handkerchief! Did you remember to do this?
silk scarves were used that evening, but staring at the moon was not one of the activities. by the by..how does one actually see a new moon?????

6. On January 14, 1986 motorists were required for the first time to wear seat belts?
Do you always buckle up? Why or why not?
always. makes driving a challenge though when my hands buckled in the restraints built into the ceiling

7. If you are single and want to find a mate, legend has it that on January 20th you should walk backwards up the stairs to bed. If you don’t have a staircase you should recite The Lord’s Prayer while transferring pins from a pin cushion to your sleeve.
I couldn’t find a male ritual to attract women.
Make one up.
for single guys; greek mythology reveals that on february first it is considered good fortune in mate attracting by lashing one’s penis to the downtown flagpole while singing Born to be Wild…backwards. If no flagpole is available, stand in front of your house screaming the lyrics to Leader of the Pack and then touring the neighborhood smashing any lawn ornaments with a 60 pound sledge-hammer.



Filed under culture, family, holiday, humor, meme

18 responses to “qm – excuse me i can’t hear you. my ear is full of milk…

  1. I LOVED your first answer… the only thing sad thing is that I totally understood it, I am a BAAAAD girl!!
    Don’t listen to the Queen, Jim Morrison IS the god of the doorway and NOBODY will convince me any differently!
    Can I move into your neighborhood? I really like butter and running around naked.
    Happy new year to you and yours.

    • the fact that you understood puts you in the GOOD category as far as my warped mind is concerned.

      and your neighborhood would be a lot more fun. trust me on this…

  2. Hmmm I was wondering the same thing about viewing the new moon, must need special glasses or handkerchiefs or something like that.

  3. lol… coops are usual, a riot of things I probably shouldn’t have visualised … hahah..

  4. loved your answers, very funny!

  5. well hey, sign me up for the new year’s butter festival, sounds fun…as long as it’s in the southern hemisphere.

  6. snowelf

    Cooper you were especially more witty than ever today! Did you see that full moon or something? 😉

    Instead of the lawn ornaments can we just smash the Evil that is haunting Lime’s family? I’m up for a little Evil smashing if you are!


  7. bring an exorcist, bring the sledgehammers. bring it all. make the bad stuff go away. i welcome you both and any helpers you want to bring.

  8. Oh my. Just oh my.
    The visuals! The pain! The….depravity!
    **runs away screming**

  9. Screaming. I know how to spell it.

  10. #7 aural sex…that is, give her some ear, i.e. listen to her? And no faking it.

    But be careful as too much indiscriminate, unprotected aural can lead to hearing aids.


  11. I hate Mary Poppins. Truly. **runs away screaming again**

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