Long Lost bin Laden Relative Found ‘Shacked and Odd’
(BUPKISS, Missouri) – In the wake of the alleged death of Osama bin Laden, a long-lost younger brother, the thirteenth of the 27 bin Laden children, has been uncovered living in the Big Bay swamps outside Branson. Thirty-two year old ‘Arnie’ bin Laden, a truck mechanic and part-time pizza oven, expressed regret at his brothers possible demise. “Ossie always was a bit of a hell-raiser,” said the younger brother. “He was stealing hub caps with his high school clan when i was in my second year of kindergarten so we din’ have much to do with each other.”
Speaking from the front porch of his ramshackle cottage, Arnie told reporters, in between pulls on the family jug, that his older brother had a certain predilection that possibly influenced future behavior. “That boy love firecrackers. You’d find ’em everywhere. Sometimes you’d grab a left over carton of chinese take-out from the icebox and, boom!, kung pao chicken all over the kitchen. It was when he graduated into harder stuff that Dad stepped in. One night Ossie slipped a cherry bomb into Mom’s chili bean dip and it went off just as Dad was serving some to dinner company. He and Dad never really got on after that.”
Arnie declined to speculate on the political ramifications or worldwide reaction to the news of his brother stating that he was late to his shift at Pizza Hut and still had to reassemble Mr. Gilmore’s ’64 Chevy transmission before sundown.