speak softly and bring Twinkies

A recent series of articles posted on ManofTheHouse.com listed 5 annoying things women say in front of men, and vice versa. While the suggestions are thought-provoking I thought there were more verbal faux-pas for men and women to avoid in each others presence.

The suggestions from the article Annoying Comments Women Make:
“Brad Pitt is one hot hunk!”
“My husband could never do that.”
“He wouldn’t know romance if it bit him in the ass.”
“He doesn’t stand up for himself at work; he should have been promoted long ago.”
“He’s worse than the kids.”

My additions:
What the hell was I thinking?
The only time he brings flowers home is when he buys a box of Twinkies.
He doesn’t do that anymore.
His brother is very successful.
I need to buy a vibrator.

The suggestions from the article Annoying Comments Men Make:
“Jennifer Lopez is so freakin’ hot!”
“You never cut loose and just have fun.”
“Meet my old lady.”
“Man, I had some great times when I was single.”
“I’d love to golf more, but she won’t let me.”

My additions:
You should stay away from stripes and wear black more often.
You look more like your mother every day.
She doesn’t do that anymore.
Marriage certainly isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.
Come on, it’s just a little plastic surgery.

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17 Comments

Filed under humor, life, women

17 responses to “speak softly and bring Twinkies

  1. My wife always tells me “you look like a boy” when trying to find something in the house. When it comes to her female products, yes, I do look like a boy.

    Rob
    http://www.themainland.net

  2. You made me crack up and spit water at my laptop. =)

    My faves:
    ~ I need to buy a vibrator.
    ~ You look more like your mother every day.

  3. can we expand the comments from men to include flatulence and belches that register on seismic detectors?

    if so i will add to the women’s side any question about the size of one’s ass related to whatever is being worn.

  4. although i also admit to provoking a rather strong response to the comment directed to the spousal unit (please file under “lime did not engage brain before mouth”) “omg, you sound just like your mother!”

    bad for a woman to hear it
    waaaaay worse for a man to hear it

    or so i am told.

    slinking out now

  5. Ok, don’t think too badly of us, it was the conclusion of a tense scene and it did end up in giggles, but here is a great example of what not to say,
    Logophile style;
    After a spirited debate…
    Mr. Logo: You are such a dick sometimes!
    Logo: Don’t you mean bitch?
    Mr. Logo: No, there is a difference between being a bitch and being a dick, and you? You are being a dick.
    Logo: So… are you being a bitch?
    Mr. Logo (smirling): Um… maybe, a little
    Logo: Is this where we have the make up sex?
    Mr. Logo: See?? This is what I’m talking about. You didn’t even bring me flowers!

  6. I dream of peace in my lifetime

  7. Jennifer Lopez IS freakin’ hot 🙂
    MJ

  8. I am thinking yours are more “no zone” than the others… lol..

  9. yep – sounds like your average married couple to me

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