As several military folk have successfully wrangled celebrity dates recently, I thought I’d get my requests in before the floodgates burst forth with all manner of delusional invitations:
Being a carpenter prior to movie fame I’d like Harrison Ford to come remodel my kitchen and a couple of bathrooms.
The neighborhood is holding their annual charity carnival and we need a volunteer for the dunk tank. I’d like to invite Oprah.
This year’s Tri-County Psychiatric Home Christmas Bash and Electroshock Festival is soon approaching. As my escort I’d love to bring Lady Gaga. or Rhianna…whoever is off their medication.
I invite Meredith Salenger to just come over and hang out for a while. We’ll see where it goes from there.
My oven needs cleaning. My GAS oven needs cleaning. I think Ann Coulter would do a great job. That’s right Ann, crawl way back there…
And for Christmas Dinner this year I would like to see the following around my table: Kathy Griffin, Michelle Bachmann, Lewis Black, Jon Stewart, Guy Fieri, Christina Hendricks, Bill O’Rielly, Angelina Jolie, Gallagher. Should be lively.