milton in corporateland

So today is the big company picnic where the employees get to go romp and play in the sunshine, eat catered food and form groups of the usual cliques around the …well…wherever they are going.  I, on the other hand, am a contractor and therefore not permitted to take place in such frivolities.  That’s okay.  This comes up every year and while it does feel exclusionary I know it is at the hands of the legal beagles flapping their Brooks Brother’s capes that this situation exists.

Anyway, I’m in the elevator this morning with an employee I sort of least enough to say ‘hi’ by name and he does so in kind.  He asks if I am going today and I say, no, I’m a contractor…

Him: really?  i thought you were an employee.

Me:   no.  i’ve been a contractor for 11 years.

Him:   (gets puzzled look on his face – i know what this look means as I encounter it on almost a weekly basis.  It’s a look that means to say “And you’re not an employee yet because???”)

Me:  No one has ever asked.

Him:  I’m going to order you a red stapler. You’re like that guy on Office Space.

Great. Thanx.  That really boosts my ego to know I’m thought of as Milton.  Go have fun at your picnic, douche-rocket…

excuse me, i’m due back in the basement now…



Filed under movies, work

8 responses to “milton in corporateland

  1. My company doesn’t do the picnic thing. We get a Christmas party (sort of). It’s not very good but so far, there’s always been an open bar of low quality alcohol, which is all I really need.

  2. so when ya gonna burn the place down?

  3. Been there, both as an employee and as a contractor. I have to say, you’re not missing much.

  4. I was the only hourly employee at a company and to get paid my timecard had to be approved by my manager who was going through health issues and would be out for weeks at a time, delaying my pay. I was called the Milton. Luckily I was still living at home and had to bills to speak of yet.
    Check out my review

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