everything is ass

Were you aware of this?  I wasn’t.  I must have missed the memo somehow.  But it seems to be the case.  As I was entering Wawa this evening a gangly young lad and his friend were leaving and one”bright” youth stated, “these are really salty-ass salt and vinegar chips”.  Hope so.  They wouldn’t be salt and vinegar if they weren’t salty.  As I was leaving the fine establishment another flock of youth was entering, this flock less gangly and more goth-y, the largest of the group mumbling something incoherent about his “shitty-ass band”.  I’m really out of the loop here.  But as I munched on dinner I got to thinking that “ass” is a fairly sturdy all-purpose word and, using these fine examples, could be employed in a variety of ways.

“This is really cold-ass ice cream.”

“That was really great-ass sex.”  Now here is where the land mine strewn English language can run afoul, because you can take that exact same phrase, drop the hyphen, and the meaning shifts from an amorous compliment to something most prized in federal penitentiaries.

Just think how much more interesting the debates would have been had the candidates employed this technique.  Just the education argument alone would have been a blast…

“ROMNEY: … because I’m — I’m so-ass proud of the state that I had the chance to be governor of.” (Hideous grammar aside)
“OBAMA: But that was 10-ass years before you took office.”

“OBAMA: I will stand with Israel if they are attacked. And this is the reason why, working with Israel, we have created the strongest-ass military and intelligence cooperation between our two countries in history.”
“ROMNEY: …Number two, with regards to Iran and the threat of Iran, there’s no question but that a nuclear Iran, a nuclear-ass Iran is unacceptable to America.”

It certainly would have been funnier anyway.

These are the things I think about while sitting in the car eating a sandwich and Tastykake cupcakes, adding un-needed poundage to my big-ass ass.



Filed under government, humor, life, Obama, politics

15 responses to “everything is ass

  1. You made some really good-ass points!

  2. i hope the tastycakes were some good-ass cupcakes. ya know, drop the hyphen there and it’s pretty revolting as well….

  3. I’m so old, it would’ve been “shitty-assed.” You know, adjectives and such. Ass is a noun but as I said, in my day, past tense of cancel was “cancelled.”

  4. Damn. All the bad-ass comments have been made by other blog-asses. Damn.

  5. A bad-ass storm is bearing down on you. Here’s hoping you stay safe, warm and powered…


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