Ask Steve

As some of you may know, the past couple years have been a bit of a journey, acting as caregiver to the Mrs. who has been treated for brain cancer (she’s doing quite well – coming up on a year of remission).  Part of this journey has had me exposed to the Mrs. daytime TV addictions; primary being Days of Our Lives at 1 pm EST.  Following that these days is The Steve Harvey Show, a talk show that veers between copying Dr. Phil and the standard talk show fare.  There is a segment of the show entitled “Ask Steve” where members of the audience ask Steve to help them with their personal quirks and foibles.

Today the questioner was a woman whose issue was “cussing”.  She wanted Steve to tell her what words to use instead of cuss words.  She couldn’t think of any.  Now my unscientific research estimates around 200,000 words, plus or minus 50%, in our goofy language but this poor soul could not figure out good replacement words to use.

This is why Steve Harvey is hosting the show and not me.  Steve has parlayed what started as a stand-up career into a multi-dimensional existence in sitcoms, game shows and talk shows.  He is loved by millions and I certainly do not begrudge his success.  Smart dude.  But if I were hosting the show and this woman asked that question, my response would be to have Chuck Norris come on stage and shove this woman’s face through chicken wire.

Since this sort of behavior is frowned upon, I will take the high road and offer some alternative suggestions.  Of course she never said which cuss words she was saying so I’ll have to make some assumptions here:

(I could probably stop right here because I doubt this woman ventured into expletives any stronger as these first two, but as a public service I will press on)

Ass……………wankle rotary engine
fuck…………..fuck (let’s face it, no other word really captures the right spirit)

Hopefully Steve’s staff presented this woman with her own personalized copy of Carlin’s Seven Words You Can Never Say on Television.


Filed under dumbass, humor, TV

Special Report

Darkly hilarious.  The last line is the best…

Leave a comment

Filed under humor, YouTube

Flirtin’ With Disaster

I’m travelin’ down the road and I’m flirtin’ with disaster
I’ve got the pedal to the floor, my life is running faster
I’m out of money, out of hope, it looks like self-destruction
Well, how much more can we take with all of this corruption

We’re flirtin’ with disaster, y’all know what I mean
And the way we run our lives, it makes no sense to me
I don’t know about yourself or what you want to be, yeah
When we gamble with our time, we choose our destiny

Speeding down the fast lane, honey, we’re playin’ from town to town
The boys and I’ve been burnin’ it up, can’t seem to slow it down
I’ve got the pedal to the floor, our lives are runnin’ faster
We got our sights set straight ahead, but I ain’t sure what we’re after

Flirtin’ with disaster, y’all damn sure know what I mean
You know, the way we run our lives, it makes no sense to me
I don’t know about yourself or what you plan to be, yeah
When we gamble with our time we choose our destiny

Yeah, we’re travelin’ down that lonesome road
Feel like I’m dragging a heavy load
Don’t try to turn my head away
I’m flirtin’ with disaster every day


Filed under life

the fox

over the years, this has become one of our favorite christmas rock songs.  all the more poignant this year with the loss of Chris Squire…

1 Comment

Filed under holiday, music

You Must Be Joking….

Take a running jump……

Leave a comment

Filed under life

the separated man

As the dream floats by (‘neath the towering sky)

There’s a move to move me forward
But it only lasts ’til I fall on yesterday

With opinions thrown (like the crowd’s first stone)
And the world of men is nowhere
I have a sense of freedom but it feels so far away

‘Cause I’m in a cage (of my own making)
I never wanted to be this way
I’m in a cage (my heart is breaking)
But I’ll tough it out today

I could move way in (I could move way out)
I could move all the way to Cairo
“But someone would be there; someone that I know too well”

I wanna change my mind (wanna change my heart)
I just need some relief but I know
That it just won’t come, that is as long as I’m myself

‘Cause I’m in a cage (of my own making)
I never wanted to be this way
I’m in a cage (my heart is breaking)
But I’ll tough it out today

I’m in a cage (of my own making)
And now I forgot what the reason is
I’m in a cage (the toll’s been taking)
But I guess that’s all there is….

There’s a reason why the storm is raging
There’s a reason why you feel alone (the man’s gone to make his way alone)
There’s a reason why your soul’s been caged in
Can’t you feel your need to come back home? (the man’s gone)
Feel your need to come back home (the man’s gone)
Feel your need to come back home

Leave a comment

Filed under life

As expected, the flapdoodles have taken over….

The debate over “the flag” is custom made for the looney politicians and puffed up media blowhards. Self-righteous tongues in both camps are already flopping in spasms like so many flounders washed ashore gasping for water. It’s a jackpot topic that may possibly hold up straight through to November 2016.

But in the end, it’s nothing more than a distraction; something safe to glom onto to avoid the difficulty of the real issue.

The flag may be a symbol of segregation and racial supremacist attitudes – but if it came down tomorrow, what would change? Would all the people who have been taught the lie that non-whites are somehow inferior suddenly be inspired to a life of racial harmony if the flag were removed ? (For my money the reaction would be just the opposite – it would fuel their dangerous and faulty beliefs into a deeper anger)

The debate needs to surround how to deal with hundreds of years of racially motivated ignorance passed from generation to generation – a topic that’s always been branded as political suicide, so we know that little common sense will come from political camps, and the media has no interest in intelligent debate – to paraphrase that Jake G movie – the media wants naked women running down the street with their throat slashed. 

This one is up to us – having the guts to not tolerate racism – not on a large scale- but in small everyday things. Stop tolerating the racist jokes, stand up to racist behaviors. We decide what we want our lives to reflect – not Washington or the State Capitals, not the media in any shape or form. Us. US.


Filed under life